28 May 2005 - 0:00Star Wars sucks nutsack. Hard.

So Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith has hit the theaters and broke every single box office record that ever existed. Not only is it the final chapter in the ongoing Star Wars saga that has dragged on like a 75-year-old man’s flaccid nutsack, but it’s also the most overhyped movie that has ever existed. When George Lucas originally came up with the original idea for the first Star Wars movie, he did so whilst sitting in the dark with a thumb in his ass. He himself did not think that his movie idea, which consisted of homosexual robots, a giant, horny blob of wrinkly shit and, as many would later learn, incest, would do well at all. Then for whatever reason, people saw these movies and sprung wood over the “unbelieveable” graphics, which were also fairly ground breaking back in the day. And sure, the first few movies had tolerable dialogue and mimimal suggestions of a brother and sister having kinky sex. But since when do good graphics equate to a good movie? After speaking with many of my friends who have seen the newest movie, all of them concurred that the dialogue, acting and everything other than the graphics sucked portions of ass that rank up there with that of Star Jones’ lower third of the left ass cheek, which is more than enough to feed a starving Ethiopian family for eons. Needless to say, these people are less my friends and more decapitation victims today. Still, Star Jones does suck ass. “What does she have to do with Star Wars,” you may be asking. Well, using my awesome ability to comprehend subtleties, I have deduced that Star Jones and Jabba the Hut are, in fact, one in the same. Both have the distinguishable feature of having an ass large enough to feed all of Africa twice and they both enjoy kinky sex with thinner, black men. MORE »