Today was the greatest day in the history of mankind; a day which many scientists and theologians believed would never be able to happen; a day which defied both the laws of physics and every religious dogma to ever exist. Today was the day when Rigolega and Maddox were not only in the same room, but the day the two met. Let me give you a brief overview of the day prior to meeting Maddox. MORE »

Being the self-proclaimed king of everything great, people often ask me “What can I do to be your friend, Rigolega?” The short answer is nothing because I rock that hard. Naturally, being as superb at everything as I am, people come in droves to grovel at my feet and buy me all kinds of dinners in an attempt to gain status as someone who doesn’t suck. Unfortunately for them, their attempts often fall short which results in a solemn left hook to the genitals. So I’ve taken it upon myself to guide you, dumbass extraordinaire, to gaining one of the many things I have that you’ll never have without my help. No, I can’t give you bulging pecs or testicles that have the energetic potential to destroy the universe twice. But I can provide you with an analysis of how to make friends which will transform you from a lonely, basement-dwelling cock to a social, basement-dwelling cock. MORE »