31 July 2006 - 0:00Earthworm Jim and other classics.

I’ll be blunt. I rock and you suck. There’s really no other way around it. As always, there are ways for you to suck less but most of them involve me beating your skull in with a hammer or gouging my own eyes out with a rusty thumb tack to keep your suckage from seeping into my eyes and molesting my brain. If you think these accusations are rash, it’s because you’re a pussy. But fear not! There are other ways to decrease your sucktitude. Where there’s Rigolega, there’s a way.

I like video games and play them enough to know what sucks and what doesn’t. Before you clench your sphincter and say “Well, all video games suck,” scoffing like a jackal licking his own rank nutsack, prepare to get neutered. Over the past few weeks, I’ve played a plethora of video games, amounts I haven’t played since Sega Genesis was top of line technology. I decided, while banging three hot chicks at once, that I have a great plentitude of testosterone coursing through the bulging veins of my massive man satchel. I also decided to make a list of classic video games, in no particular order. Enjoy or get fucked. MORE »