With the signing of Michael Vick by the Philadelphia Eagles, the former star quarterback begins his long journey towards becoming relevant again. He spent 23 months in prison for helping operate an illegal dog fighting ring. That’s almost two years of hard time. Couple that with the millions of dollars lost from absence of salary, attorneys’ fees, loss of endorsements and so on and you’ve got a punishment for what amounts to doing something that many hunters do every single day, in the end: killing animals for sport.

In other news, Donté Stallworth, less relevant wide receiver with the Cleveland Browns, was recently charged with manslaughter for killing a human being while driving drunk. He received 30 days in jail (served 24 of them), is suspended for one year, has to do 1,000 hours of community service and loses his driver’s license in Florida permanently.

Again, let’s look at this: MORE »

I was talking to a guy today who told me he was interviewed by “a channel 9 reporter” (Chicago’s WGN affiliate) who asked him how he felt about athletes serving as role models following an incident with star Blackhawks forward Patrick Kane. Kane is being charged with beating the shit out of a cabbie for not giving him $0.20 in change.

First off, fuck cabbies. These people, if you can call them that, are the lowest of the fucking low in terms of public service, ranking right below skeezy truck stop hand job provider. They’re shitty drivers, smell like freshly fucked afterbirth and often spew all sorts of “old country” horse shit rhetoric that no one who grew up outside of fucking poor ass farmland Romania buys into anymore. Fuck the old country. And fuck cabbies.

Secondly, what kind of stupid fucking question is this reporter asking? Should athletes be role models? To who? Kids? Fuck kids. MORE »

leviweaver.com

Check out his site. He’s got a good view on the music industry and fans. He’s also a pretty cool guy generally.

There are some great ways to defeat boredom. Reading my website, masturbating while reading my website and having sex while reading my website are all just a few ways I defeat boredom every day. But now, there’s another way to defeat boredom that works:

Defeating Boredom

This is English Rob’s website. It’s a good mix of funny and authentic. So, if you ever get tired of the violent swings between banality and overt existential crises on this site, similar to that of an alcoholic father giving his son a piggy back ride then piledriving him through a glass table, visit Rob’s site. It’s great.

There are many fantastic companies out there dedicated to improving the lives of poorly endowed males, but my favorite one out there is Prolixus. According to their ads, size matters. In fact, Prolixus insinuates that virtually every woman on the planet is so dissatisfied with the thickness of her lover’s penis, that it takes a marketing team and some pills to save humanity from pencil dicks. The thinly veiled point of the message is that taking Prolixus will make your penis thicker and wider and as a result, more women will pine to have sex with you. Then, they will tell their friends, who will tell their friends and before you know it, your humble hambone will have morphed into a colossal cock cannon. Your confidence will swell from all the fucking you’ll have fallen into, solely because your penis is thicker, because all women everywhere automatically gravitate toward men with cocks as thick as horses’. This is why girls REALLY want ponies for their birthdays.

But is Prolixus right for you? MORE »

I saw Funny People the other day. It was a good movie, had some funny jokes, and I walked out satisfied. That said, there was one aspect of the plot that pissed me off to high heaven, and that was the way the movie handled the infidelity plot line. In the movie, the characters played by Adam Sandler and Leslie Mann claim to be in love with one another, even after Sandler cheats on Mann. Then, we discover that Mann, who is married, cheats on her husband (who in turn has cheated on her) with Sandler, telling him that she’s leaving her husband. Then, she decides to stay with her husband anyway because she loves him (and he, her), even though both spouses admitted to cheating on one another.

I don’t blame Judd Apatow for having this plot necessarily, because this kind of shit is fairly common. The question I have is: How can people who have been cheated on still love the person who cheated on them? I’ve spent a good part of a year thinking about this. The notion that someone can still love someone who has cheated and betrayed trust both confuses and astounds me. It’s something I don’t understand in the slightest. I’ve had one meaningful dating relationship in my life, haven’t been cheated on and really have no frame of reference or experience with shit like this, but I am very curious about the thought process behind people who claim they still love people who have cheated on them.

So, if someone can explain to me this, I’d appreciate it. Seriously, if anyone’s ever been cheated on, found out and still believed they were in love, comment me why. I’m not looking to argue, I’m looking for an explanation. I simply cannot comprehend it. I don’t expect any comments on this at all, but if you do want to comment, make sure you know what you’re talking about. Don’t theorize, don’t guess, don’t talk out of your ass.