ABC News reported that President Barack Obama called Kayne West a “jackass” off the record before an interview with CNBC’s John Harwood. Being a beacon for truth and keeping people in the know about things that really matter, ABC News decided to not only publish something that was off the record, but publish something that has ABSOLUTELY NO BEARING ON ANYTHING THAT MATTERS AT ALL.
So Obama called Kayne West a jackass after he did…something. Who really gives a shit what Kayne West does? Unless it has something to do with him making his music, count me out of the “gives a hooked-handed whore fuck” pool. When Kayne West does something musically relevant, I’ll gleefully skip over to TMZ and read all about it. Except when I say “TMZ” I mean YouPorn and by “read all about it” I mean “watch Japanese bukkake tentacle rape videos directed by Stevie Wonder” because what Kayne West has ever done with his life ranks only slightly lower on my desire-to-know-about scale than whether Stevie Wonder has actually directed a video depicting Asian women having tentacles forcibly inserted into orifices while being drowned in semen.
But you can count on journalists to open their septic tank of self importance and turn an otherwise innocuous occurrence into an ethics debate. That’s right, from Obama speaking candidly and simply saying what everyone else in the entire world was ALREADY FUCKING SAYING, that Kayne is a jackass, journalists are going to drag out the old bullshit line about journalism ethics. But guess what? In journalism, there is no such thing as ethics. The day meddling in the affairs of others so that people who think they’re smarter than they actually are have something to gossip about becomes ethical, come talk to me about journalism ethics. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and go back to basking in the scent of your own shit you self-important meddlers.
Kelly McBride at the Poynter Institute, which is the headquarters for countless meddling, scum-sucking journalists, claims that “If you’re sitting there with a microphone on, you don’t have a reasonable expectation of privacy.” I can see the headlines now:
“President Obama was quoted saying, ‘Swallow that load baby. Two is enough!’ to his wife in the White House bedroom Thursday night. When asked how or why the fuck anyone would report this, Kelly McBride stated that a microphone found its way into the Presidential bedroom and that any reasonable expectation of privacy is lost when you’re sitting, or in the President’s case, laying, there with a microphone on.”
The sad thing is I wouldn’t put it past some sleazeball meddler, or “enterprising journalist” as they’re called in the business, to do something like this in the near future. They’d wrap it up into some sort of debate about women’s rights or family morals and values and say that they were somehow doing their job questioning the morals and values of the President the same way they did to Clinton when he got blown by that fat intern. That’s journalism’s bread and butter: blowing something irrelevant out of proportion to get people to argue about trivial bullshit.
President Obama got lambasted for something he said in private that doesn’t matter and was true. If this doesn’t strike you as horseshit, nothing will. What’s worse is that what he said wasn’t even that offensive. He called Kayne a jackass; he didn’t say “that stupid nigger” or suggest that “Kayne West needs to be lynched,” which is probably what a lot people said and continue to say in private. So before you go out and bitch about the President needing to set a good example, fuck start your own skull and do it yourself.
As a final note, it’s fitting that Twitter came up in this whole debacle, with McBride calling Obama’s sound bite “perfect for Twitter.” The only thing that puts a smile on my face about journalists is that they use Twitter, a site notorious for hosting the mind dump and insignificant happenings of people who might be functionally retarded for the consumption of other functional retards around the world. Yes Kelly, that sound bite, along with journalism, is perfect for Twitter, as both so aptly convey unintentional comedy and a complete lack of relevance. Maybe if all journalists use Twitter, SOMEONE will read their shit and finally realize that, at its core, journalism is gossip for wannabe intellectuals, entirely useless and totally meddling at its every single facet.
