While I was browsing the web for a seven inch long, fifteen inch wide butt plug, I stumbled across something that I figured would probably end up just as shitty when it was all said and done: a news story. The story was about some girl who twat (or tweeted or whatever the past tense of tweet is) , “can we go on a jew killing spree soon? i need to release some anger and jews are always a worthy target.” Apparently this story is picking up a huge amount of steam in the national media as an example of hatred and terrorism gone viral and how social networking sites promote hatred and stereotypes and how young people are doing this because they don’t understand the First Amendment.

Fuck. That. Bullshit.

I understand that people are worried about threats of terrorism, mass murders and racial and ethnic profiling because people tend to be a bunch of fucking pussies who don’t know how to differentiate a real threat from an empty one. But this tweet is so obviously a joke that I can’t believe anyone in his right mind, who has a life and who doesn’t need to champion a cause for a historical punching bag to feel good about himself could possibly take this as anything other than a joke, let alone a legitimate threat. But one has to stand in awe of those people who, anytime something even slightly insensitive or discomforting is brought up, take to their white stallions and come galloping to the rescue of people who don’t need help; one has to stand in awe of the liberal activist.

Every time a joke or empty threat is made with contentious words, phrases or tones towards another person, the liberal activist gets his panties all in a bundle and extrapolates an otherwise nonevent into a national fucking crisis. Remember when President Obama said his bowling skills “were like Special Olympics or something” and everyone lost their fucking minds about how insensitive he was? And how he was expected to apologize and had some R-tard challenge him to a bowling match to prove his worth? The very fact that all of this shit happened is primarily because liberal activists truly believe people can’t think for themselves, can’t stick up for themselves and can’t take a joke. That’s all it was, a joke. Perhaps in poor taste for people who can’t laugh at the harmless expense of others, but a joke nonetheless.

Because I know morons read this site, let me be clear: this isn’t to say that that I think people should go around calling people with mental disabilities retards, or black people niggers, or Jews kikes, or [insert group of people] [insert derogatory name for said people] with gusto. But neither should these words be restricted at all costs. If the context of a joke, story or discussion warrants such a word, people shouldn’t be afraid to use it.  Besides, overusing “offensive” words is self defeating because if the people who identify so deeply with the groups you’re offending that they take to violence at the mere mention of a word that, in the grand scheme of things, means nothing more than the context in which it is used don’t kick the shit out of you, the liberal activists will.

Speaking of context, perhaps the biggest problem I have with this is that there is no context for this girl’s tweet. All we know is that some girl tweeted a bad joke about killing Jews. Personally, I don’t know that there is a context in which this girl’s tweet can be taken which would make it funny. But that’s not because killing Jews is inherently unfunny; it’s because it was a woman trying to make a joke. I really can’t see a context in which a woman could make a joke about anything that’s funny.

Joking aside, the very fact that there is some college girl in the middle of Bumblefuck, Missouri making a bad joke about killing Jews would make most people think, “Well, this is probably a very dumb girl who doesn’t know how to tell jokes. But she isn’t going to go out and do anything like that.” Unless, of course, those people are liberal activists, in which case the instance of a dumb girl making a bad joke turns into hatred and terrorism gone viral, a threat on the fabric of society and, coming soon to a journalism outlet near you, the thought that people in America are still racist and ethnically stereotype. What a fucking shock.  Liberals really are that arrogant. They think they can change the world for the better by telling people what they can and cannot say. Well I say fuck that. Just because you say there’s no way talking about killing Jews can be funny doesn’t make it so.

“How can you say that Rigolega? In what context is killing Jews funny?” Jesus Christ walks into a hotel and hands the innkeeper three nails and he asks, “Can you put me up for the night?” Funny joke about killing a Jew right there.

There is no reason why this should be a news story. The only reason it is is because liberals are so far up their own ass with political correctness that they can’t differentiate a bad joke from a real threat to Jews.

“Well it’s not just her, this is a widespread problem with people making derogatory jokes on social networking sites.” And? Just because you people were too fucking dense to notice people were making derogatory jokes before social networking made it simple to see into the lives of exhibitionist idiots doesn’t mean it wasn’t fucking happening.  The only reason liberals get so appalled at the fact that racism and derogatory jokes still exist in America is because they really think that by scaring people into thinking using certain words can bring about terrorism based solely on their existence (instead of on the crazy people who take offense and act upon their craziness by say, blowing up a building) that the problem should just go away. The reason they still exist is simple: people are racist (mostly), the jokes are funny (sometimes) or a combination of both (The South).

Perhaps the most mind boggling thing about this whole ordeal is what some asshole attorney named Brian Cuban had to say about it in this clip (at 3:41).

I think that students…have such a misperception[sic] and lack of conception of what the First Amendment really means…Because they think that [insert pretentious lecture tone here] ‘We have free speech in the United States and that means I can say whatever I want about whoever I want as long as I’m not breaking the law. And they do. And [realizing he just voided any argument about kids not understanding the First Amendment because that actually is how the First Amendment works], you know, exercise some responsibility. Grow up.

Fuck you. With no hint of irony, this taint drip is telling college kids be responsible about using language while he blows a Twitter post into a criminal offense. I’ll tell you what Brian, the minute you act like a responsible adult by understanding the difference between a bad joke some dumb girl twat on Twitter and real criminal speech is the minute we’ll all “grow up.” You’re a fucking attorney at law for Christ’s sake, and you’re not sure how the First Amendment works? What fucking reasonable person is going to see any sort of clear and present danger with a college girl’s kill the Jews post on Twitter? And how sore are your feet from chasing ambulances day in and day out?

Should people be making jokes about killing Jews? Probably not, unless it’s really funny. Is what this girl did wrong? No. She had no intention to kill Jews, doesn’t hate people for being Jews and shouldn’t have to apologize for a bad joke she made. She’s not an entertainer, she’s not a comedian, she’s a college girl who made a bad joke, pissed off a bunch of liberals who can’t take a joke about anything ever and caved into their demands to do as they said. Were any right minded Jews really offended or threatened by her tweet? If there were, I bet there’s a killing to be made for doctors who remove bugs from asses.

To quote Matt Stone, “I hate conservatives, but I really fucking hate liberals.” In short, fuck liberals and their pussy mindset.

Inspiration taken from this video

ABC News reported that President Barack Obama called Kayne West a “jackass” off the record before an interview with CNBC’s John Harwood. Being a beacon for truth and keeping people in the know about things that really matter, ABC News decided to not only publish something that was off the record, but publish something that has ABSOLUTELY NO BEARING ON ANYTHING THAT MATTERS AT ALL.

So Obama called Kayne West a jackass after he did…something. Who really gives a shit what Kayne West does? Unless it has something to do with him making his music, count me out of the “gives a hooked-handed whore fuck” pool. When Kayne West does something musically relevant, I’ll gleefully skip over to TMZ and read all about it. Except when I say “TMZ” I mean YouPorn and by “read all about it” I mean “watch Japanese bukkake tentacle rape videos directed by Stevie Wonder” because what Kayne West has ever done with his life ranks only slightly lower on my desire-to-know-about scale than whether Stevie Wonder has actually directed a video depicting Asian women having tentacles forcibly inserted into orifices while being drowned in semen.

But you can count on journalists to open their septic tank of self importance and turn an otherwise innocuous occurrence into an ethics debate. That’s right, from Obama speaking candidly and simply saying what everyone else in the entire world was ALREADY FUCKING SAYING, that Kayne is a jackass, journalists are going to drag out the old bullshit line about journalism ethics. But guess what? In journalism, there is no such thing as ethics. The day meddling in the affairs of others so that people who think they’re smarter than they actually are have something to gossip about becomes ethical, come talk to me about journalism ethics. Until then, shut your fucking mouth and go back to basking in the scent of your own shit you self-important meddlers.

Kelly McBride at the Poynter Institute, which is the headquarters for countless meddling, scum-sucking journalists, claims that “If you’re sitting there with a microphone on, you don’t have a reasonable expectation of privacy.” I can see the headlines now:

“President Obama was quoted saying, ‘Swallow that load baby. Two is enough!’ to his wife in the White House bedroom Thursday night. When asked how or why the fuck anyone would report this, Kelly McBride stated that a microphone found its way into the Presidential bedroom and that any reasonable expectation of privacy is lost when you’re sitting, or in the President’s case, laying, there with a microphone on.”

The sad thing is I wouldn’t put it past some sleazeball meddler, or “enterprising journalist” as they’re called in the business, to do something like this in the near future. They’d wrap it up into some sort of debate about women’s rights or family morals and values and say that they were somehow doing their job questioning the morals and values of the President the same way they did to Clinton when he got blown by that fat intern. That’s journalism’s bread and butter: blowing something irrelevant out of proportion to get people to argue about trivial bullshit.

President Obama got lambasted for something he said in private that doesn’t matter and was true. If this doesn’t strike you as horseshit, nothing will. What’s worse is that what he said wasn’t even that offensive. He called Kayne a jackass; he didn’t say “that stupid nigger” or suggest that “Kayne West needs to be lynched,” which is probably what a lot people said and continue to say in private. So before you go out and bitch about the President needing to set a good example, fuck start your own skull and do it yourself.

As a final note, it’s fitting that Twitter came up in this whole debacle, with McBride calling Obama’s sound bite “perfect for Twitter.” The only thing that puts a smile on my face about journalists is that they use Twitter, a site notorious for hosting the mind dump and insignificant happenings of people who might be functionally retarded for the consumption of other functional retards around the world. Yes Kelly, that sound bite, along with journalism, is perfect for Twitter, as both so aptly convey unintentional comedy and a complete lack of relevance. Maybe if all journalists use Twitter, SOMEONE will read their shit and finally realize that, at its core, journalism is gossip for wannabe intellectuals, entirely useless and totally meddling at its every single facet.

With the signing of Michael Vick by the Philadelphia Eagles, the former star quarterback begins his long journey towards becoming relevant again. He spent 23 months in prison for helping operate an illegal dog fighting ring. That’s almost two years of hard time. Couple that with the millions of dollars lost from absence of salary, attorneys’ fees, loss of endorsements and so on and you’ve got a punishment for what amounts to doing something that many hunters do every single day, in the end: killing animals for sport.

In other news, Donté Stallworth, less relevant wide receiver with the Cleveland Browns, was recently charged with manslaughter for killing a human being while driving drunk. He received 30 days in jail (served 24 of them), is suspended for one year, has to do 1,000 hours of community service and loses his driver’s license in Florida permanently.

Again, let’s look at this: MORE »

I was talking to a guy today who told me he was interviewed by “a channel 9 reporter” (Chicago’s WGN affiliate) who asked him how he felt about athletes serving as role models following an incident with star Blackhawks forward Patrick Kane. Kane is being charged with beating the shit out of a cabbie for not giving him $0.20 in change.

First off, fuck cabbies. These people, if you can call them that, are the lowest of the fucking low in terms of public service, ranking right below skeezy truck stop hand job provider. They’re shitty drivers, smell like freshly fucked afterbirth and often spew all sorts of “old country” horse shit rhetoric that no one who grew up outside of fucking poor ass farmland Romania buys into anymore. Fuck the old country. And fuck cabbies.

Secondly, what kind of stupid fucking question is this reporter asking? Should athletes be role models? To who? Kids? Fuck kids. MORE »

There are many fantastic companies out there dedicated to improving the lives of poorly endowed males, but my favorite one out there is Prolixus. According to their ads, size matters. In fact, Prolixus insinuates that virtually every woman on the planet is so dissatisfied with the thickness of her lover’s penis, that it takes a marketing team and some pills to save humanity from pencil dicks. The thinly veiled point of the message is that taking Prolixus will make your penis thicker and wider and as a result, more women will pine to have sex with you. Then, they will tell their friends, who will tell their friends and before you know it, your humble hambone will have morphed into a colossal cock cannon. Your confidence will swell from all the fucking you’ll have fallen into, solely because your penis is thicker, because all women everywhere automatically gravitate toward men with cocks as thick as horses’. This is why girls REALLY want ponies for their birthdays.

But is Prolixus right for you? MORE »

Just when I think I cannot possibly hate the institution of journalism any more, it comes around and takes a gigantic shit in my mouth, then fucks me with a gangrenous corpse cock. This time, allow me to direct my anger at Clay Travis, sports journalist/shitsmith extraordinaire. This guy is a fucking jerkoff asshat cunt who makes his living being “irreverent” about sports and hoisting bags of cocks on his shoulders.

First, let’s get past the fact that a career in sports journalism is about as respectable as a career raking pig shit. But this scrotum squeezer cements himself in the Everything That’s Wrong With Journalism Hall of Fame for his most recent abortion of an interview involving Florida quarterback Tim Tebow. MORE »