21 November 2004 - 0:00Three phrases I absolutely hate.

Believe me, there are a ton of phrases I hate, and eventually I’ll get around to sharing all of them with everyone. But just for the sake of your mortal soul, I’m going to share with you, the querulous dumbass, three phrases that should never be uttered while in my presence lest you have the urge to have your spine torn out through your ass.

We love each other and I’d die for him/her.
If there’s one thing that makes my blood boil on a regular basis, it’s when I hear teenagers say they love so-and-so. Why? Because it’s a damn lie. I got into an argument over this with some girl about three months ago, and I got so pissed that I had to kill an orphan and make a stew out of his bones and feed it to his brothers. That was the best.

So this girl was going on and on about how she loved her boyfriend. Let’s think about this: you’re a teenager. You don’t have any means of income besides your parents. You don’t know anything. Your personality is most likely shaped by whatever happens to be on [insert random bullshit TV show and/or magazine here]. The only people who actually love you are your parents, and even that’s highly debatable. You don’t love each other because you don’t know what love is you fuck stick. Let’s be honest; the only thing you love about the person is that they’ll buy you whatever you want and give you cheap sex. I may be mistaken, but I think everyone loves getting free stuff and cheap sex. But I didn’t know material wealth and sleazy sex constitutes love. Face it, you’re a teenager and you don’t know what love is. Besides, even if you did, you wouldn’t realize you were experiencing it because you’re a shallow dumbass. But that’s not the worst part. The worst part is when they say they love each other, which is bad enough because it’s a damn lie, and that they’d do anything for each other. No. You lose. If that were true, you’d do something stupid like kill yourself. If I had a gun and a person said they’d do anything for their boyfriend or girlfriend, I’d put it to their significant other’s head and say “Do something about it.” I’d bet nine out of ten people would wimp out and beg for mercy instead of taking the bullet for the person “they’d die for because they love him/her” like the hero they aren’t. Pussy. You can talk a big game, but when it comes time to back it up you wimp out and beg. You sloppy bitch, stop crying, pick up your purse and get out of my sight. If more teenagers would stop being pussies and die for who/what they love I’d be happier because only dumbasses and fakes say they’ll die for anything. No one would die for a band or for clothes. Or because they broke up with someone. Oh boo hoo, I’m 15 and broke up with my girlfriend/boyfriend. I can’t take that kind of pain. There’s nothing else to live for. Boo hoo hoo. Shut the fuck up and get over it you pussy.

We’re friends with privileges.
Let’s keep this one short and sweet. The only people who say this are sluts who play grabass for some subpar action. No one wants to hear about how you had sex with your whore, be it man or woman. You’re not friends with privleges. You’re whores with nothing else better to do than act like dickheads. I know I’ll be laughing when you get herpes from your friend you cock sucking felcher.

It’s always in the last place you look.
This is by far the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Of course whatever you’re looking for is in the last place you look. As soon as you find whatever you’re looking for, that’s the last place you look. Why wouldn’t it be in the last place you look? Where else would it be you stubborn bastard? This phrase is inherently stupid because there is no other possibility than for the missing item to be in the last place you look. If it weren’t either it wouldn’t be found or isn’t missing. This is like the phrase, “May or may not” which is said as if there’s a secret third possibility, except in this case instead of an extra, non-existant possibility, there’s my foot in your ass.

All right that’s enough. I’ll eventually put up more of the dumbest phrases around, but this is pissing me off too much. So until next time, go suck an ass.

-Orphans have been made into stew because people say these stupid things.