5 July 2007 - 0:00Über: making idiots sound even dumber.

I was sitting around, admiring the obnoxious amount of hair on my nuts the other day when I picked up a local newspaper. The Chicago Sun-Times, which is a pair of tits short of being a tabloid, had at least two articles that used the word “über” as an adjective. When did this become popular again? I remember about three or four years ago, über was used to describe anything that was overly anything: über cool, über gay…and when South Park did it, it was fine because Matt Stone and Trey Parker can do no wrong. But when fucking columnists in borderline legitimate newspapers (like the Sun-Times) use it, it makes me want to shave all the hair off my crotch, paste it on my face and become Amish. Holy shit, I would have the biggest beard ever if I did that. I’d be able to nest herons in it.

Keep those hatchet wounds clean ladies; he’s got a beak for fish.

First off, über is a German word for over. So, when I see things like “über trendy” or “überagent” (Thanks Mike Thomas, you fucking idiot; any inclination I had to watch Entourage was lost when you used that word to describe Ari Gold you fucking taint) it makes me want to say, “Mach es dir selber arschgeiger. Springen sie über meinem schwanz und in ein loch,” because that’s a proper way to use über. I wouldn’t mind it so much if über was used correctly and relevantly and wasn’t just a stupid trendy buzzword you dumbass psuedo-intellectuals use to try and give meaning to the pointless shit your brain pinches out through its own personal asshole, your mouth. You morons give “talking out of your ass” a new meaning. But if über was used in a way relevant to the English language, it would be stupid since over is nothing more than a boring preposition. So you morons who use über as an adjective have found a way to make a dumb idea even dumber. People who use über are the kind of people who wake up in the morning and say, “Well, I don’t have any toothpaste, so I’ll just use bleach…or wait, I’ll just stick my toothbrush up my ass and brush my teeth with whatever I get on it!” Just one brilliant idea after another you fucking brain dead affenschwanz.

In the very same newspaper was a study about MySpace and Facebook. Some daft cunt who legally got her name changed into all lower case letters did a study about class divisions within these two sites. This study is inherently stupid because the basis behind it is that lower class people (or as she called them, Latinos and art-fags) use MySpace. No, lower class people don’t use MySpace you stupid twat, they use Nothing: A Place for People Too Poor to Own Computers and an Internet Connection. I think what she wanted to say is that people who really suck and think they’re different because they can throw as much unrelated shit together on a webpage and call themselves the next Pollock when all they are are a bunch of fuck-jobs with no artistic talent to snort at and have no life outside of internet friends who want nothing more than to sodomize them use MySpace. But that should go without saying. I can see why no one reads anymore. This is the shit presented as important and relevant. I got up no less than two times to shit the shit of the devil while writing this article; that’s how angry I was when I read the Sun-Times this morning. These people got degrees in Journalism? Living proof that Communications is a phony major. Fuck the Sun-Times, fuck MySpace and most importantly, fuck you.

-People would rather brush their teeth with ass-butter than read my site.